Surrendering to the sociopath we created – our kids

The diagnosis of a sociopath is as follows. Please keep in mind as you read the following:

Three or more of the following are required:

  1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;
  2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
  3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;
  4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
  5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others;
  6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;
  7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.

We as parents, have in many cases, flown the white flag of surrender to the sociopath our children have become. We find it easier to minimize their misbehavior, negotiate rules with them, and award less than exemplary achievements. We don’t dare to discipline, as we do not want to crush their fragile psyche. Our kids don’t listen to anyone, don’t respect the authority figures in their lives, and each believes they are the center of their own universe. When attempting to discipline, children now call Social Services. We have become afraid of our own children! When children commit serious crimes the questions abound and the hand wringing begins. How did this happen? Who is responsible? What can we do to change this?

How did this happen???

First we bought into the deceptive argument that sounds so nice and was pushed in the seventies that our children’s self esteem was our primary concern when they were raised. We want to make them feel good about themselves, never let them feel any kind of shame or remorse for their actions or thoughts. Or so the "so called" experts said. This produces children with no sense of shame or guilt. This was disastrous to their development. Without a sense of shame, any kind of conduct is fair game. This meets criteria 1 and 7.

Next we eliminated any kind of moral absolutes in our children’s lives, instead teaching that morals were a matter of personal choice and convenience. In other words, right and wrong was now up to the child not the adults around the child. Right and wrong was now shown to be relative, that the ends justify the means, that in every situation your morals are determined by what is best for you. The end result of such thinking, is that without the well traveled road of the morals their parents and their parents before them traveled, the children carved their own path – one of chaos and destruction. Without some kind of absolutes to guide them in life, the children were taught that they make the rules. Not the parents, teachers, law or other authority figures. The end result of such thinking is a bunch of sociopath’s running around doing what they please without regard for the rights, feelings or beliefs of another. This meets criteria 5.

Next, we awarded mediocrity with the same awards given to those who excelled. This resulted in a sense of entitlement, and that any effort given would suffice and would be rewarded. Those that did excel see this and having had their own performance devalued sink into the same mediocrity seeing that excellence just does not matter at the end of the day. Those rewarded for mediocrity expect life to be handed to them on a silver platter,  and to have any kind of expectations of them is viewed as emotional abuse. They don’t plan ahead because they have been taught that society will bail them out of any choice they might make. This meets criteria 6 and 3.

We are now reaping  the seeds of thought sown back in the seventies and eighties that have seeped into our school curriculum and society.

What can we do?

I believe that the current generation currently in high school is lost. Undoing the horrible thinking that has been taught will be virtually impossible. We have lost all credibility with them and are viewed as spineless, blithering idiots.

Starting in grade school:

We must accept and teach that there are moral absolutes in life.

We must actually enforce those absolutes.

We must actually teach respect for authority.

We must allow parents and teachers to use appropriate corporal punishment without fear of legal consequences.

We must teach that they are not the center of their own universe that their is a bigger world out there of whom you have a responsibility to.

We must award excellence over mediocrity.

We must allow them to feel shame. Somehow shame has gotten a bad name in our culture but it is a means to teach our children of what is appropriate conduct.

There are more. But if we accomplish this, we will go a long way toward saving our kids.

 

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  1. #1 by John on August 7, 2012 - 9:55 pm

    Fail. First, sociopathy is a genetic personality disorder, with benefits to society. Generally they are not created, but born, and blaming parents is, at best, pointless. Second, since children are born with sociopathic personalities, you imply that the disciplinary measures required to achieve your stated goals would be the same as for neuro-typical children.

    Please provide your sources or research.

    • #2 by Kelly's Chronicles on September 12, 2012 - 3:18 pm

      I disagree of course. See “Antisocial Personality Disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (1994)”. According to Lykken (1995), sociopaths are created by ineffective parenting and inadequate socialization during childhood and adolescence.

      http://www.deviantcrimes.com/sociopathy.htm

      Thanks for your comment.

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